Welcome back! Over the past month, Sarah and I have been coming to you twice a week with encouraging words and ideas to help you and your family cope with the changes brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic. We hope that you have discovered some useful tips and have thought about how to incorporate them into your daily life, now and in the future. Starting next week, Sarah and I will be going back to weekly posts, so look for a new post every Tuesday! Don’t forget to sign up for our email list so you won’t miss a single word. 
 
On Tuesday, Sarah wrote about Positive Psychology and the benefits of looking for awe-inspiring moments. Hopefully, you’ve taken time to do that and to find ways to pay it forward by helping other people. Today, we’re looking at ways to help each other at home. 
 
One way you and your family can take care of each other is to get everyone involved in taking care of your home. Everyone in your house has a stake in making it a nice place to live. But, let’s be honest. You’ve been cooped up in the house for weeks, so things like chores and housekeeping may have fallen by the wayside in the service of getting school and work done. It may sound counterproductive but having everyone help get the house in order is actually beneficial. It takes some of the weight off your shoulders and it gives your kids a sense of ownership over their home. Also, it will be easier for everyone to relax and feel more comfortable at home when chores aren’t hanging over your heads. 
 
So, think about ways your kids can help out at home. Here’s the catch- your kids probably aren’t going to do things the way you do them or exactly when you would like them done. Do they have to? Let them help with the things that you feel comfortable letting go. If you have a specific way of doing the laundry and it’s going to drive you bananas if they mess it up, don’t get them to do that. But if your kid will do the dishes but waits until right before bed to do them, does it really matter as long as they get done?

Okay, your family is taking care of the house by cleaning up. So, now that the chores are out the way and your house is feeling more livable, what next? Well, how about taking care of each other? Think about things you can all do for one another to make life more pleasant or show how much you love each other.
 
I’m sure you’ve noticed times when your kids are being really sweet to one another or when they spontaneously offer to help you with something. The families I work with have told me about many of their positive interactions and have described great things about one another that they hadn’t paid much attention to before. It’s amazing to see the change that comes over a mom during a session when we switch from talking about the things that have gone wrong to the great things her kids have done. I bet that’s true for you and your kids too. 
 
What if you take it a step further? Instead of just noticing positive actions from your kids, what if you went looking for them? 
 
I’m giving you a challenge… Drumroll please!

​Over the next few days, look for things your kids (and your spouse/partner) do that make you happy, proud, impressed, pleased, less stressed, etc. Then- and here’s the important part- share that with them. That’s right, let them know when they’ve done something that made you feel good. In fact, get everyone in on this. As a family, start sharing the positive things you notice about one another each day. Maybe over dinner or at bedtime, you can take turns telling one another all the great things you noticed about each other that day. If you want to kick it up a notch, tell them as soon as it happens. Notice how much closer you feel to one another and how much you appreciate each other. Spread a little love at home, let yourself be in awe of your amazing family, and see how much better you feel. 

Tell us how you and your family take up the challenge! Leave a comment, click this link or email us at web@nautilusbehavioralhealth.com.

Click here for a printable version of this post.
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​As a reminder, we have an amazing handout for families with information about COVID-19 that you may find helpful when speaking with your kids. Click here to take a look.

Sarah here. All across the country, cities are starting to open back up. And, whether you’re excited or nervous, indifferent or exasperated, it means that life is changing yet again. Still not normal- not by a long shot. In fact, I’ve talked to a number of people who question whether things will ever go back to “normal” again. I don’t know if things will return to the way they were before COVID-19. But I do know that right now, in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, people are doing what they “normally do” in a crisis. That is, when faced with a crisis, we see the very best and very worst of humanity. 
 
It’s easy to get bogged down in the depressing, infuriating and discouraging news we hear about each day and when we do, it’s easy to think that’s all there is. And that kind of news paints an ugly view of people and of the world. As a psychologist, I understand that in times of crisis, people may act out of panic rather than logic. They may do things they know don’t make sense because they feel compelled to do so or because other people are doing them (like buying the maximum amount of toilet paper allowed, even though they have a month’s worth at home already). They may be focused on keeping their family safe but aren’t thinking about how their actions may affect others. Along those lines, I wrote about how parents’ well-intentioned germ safety talks with their kids could backfire and have negative unintended consequences (Let’s Talk About Germs! on 4/14/2020). 
 
Now, if you were to ask anyone who knows me, they’d tell you that while I’m not ridiculously optimistic, I do think that most people have a lot of inherent good in them. But, reading and watching the news, witnessing and experiencing exchanges and hearing personal anecdotes over the past 6 weeks have really put that view to the test. Maybe it shouldn’t be surprising, but I’ve had to go out of my way to find positive news. I went looking for it because I knew it was there. Because it’s true- in a crisis, people often panic, worry about themselves, and act selfishly and irrationally. But (and here’s a big but), it’s also true that in a crisis, people can be absolutely, positively selfless, kind, loving and downright awe-inspiring. And, it’s that side of humanity that I’m focusing on because it’s important to remember that there are so many times each day that people are kind, selfless and loving to each other. I want you to get in on all those good feelings- by paying it forward, you help others and you help yourself.
 
Lately I’ve been working on continuing education for my license. I just did a webinar on Positive Psychology. One of the founders of Positive Psychology, Martin Seligman, Ph.D., developed a 5-element model of well-being. He asserted that positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning and accomplishment (PERMA) can support well-being, happiness and fulfillment. 

​If you think about times you’ve felt really happy or good or content, I’m guessing that those times in your life hit on multiple elements in the PERMA model. I appreciate that the focus isn’t just on feeling good or on having a purpose. Well-being is about the balance and interplay of these the elements, which makes a lot of intuitive sense. I also appreciate that positive emotion doesn’t just mean happiness; it also includes emotions like love, gratitude, awe and optimism. We feel good when we do good, when we look for good, when we see good in others, and when we do things that we care about and that matter. And, there are all of these side benefits. For example, people who experience awe—a positive emotion experienced in the presence pf something vast that broadens our understanding of the world—feel more connected to others, more generous and experience a decreased sense of time pressure. That’s right- being in complete amazement and having your mind blown can help you feel less pressed, so you are more likely to help others…even if the actual demands on your time don’t change, your perception of how you spend your time changes.
 
To that end, I want you to pay it forward by…well, paying it forward and by helping your family pay it forward. Look for the good around you. Notice the kind, nice, caring, loving things that are happening in your house on a daily basis. Do your kids fight like cats and dogs sometimes? Sure! But, do they also have those “awwww…so sweet!” tender moments every now and again? You bet. Are the people on social media making you crazy? You betcha! Have you read any posts that were actually touching or kind, where people were just genuinely doing or saying something nice and encouraging just because? I’m guessing you have. 
 
I know you’re tired and you and your family are dealing with long days. But awe comes in all kinds of shapes and sizes- it isn’t just about seeing the Grand Canyon or the Northern Lights. Look for things to be in awe of in your daily life- look for ways that other people and things that are going on inspire you and leave you in amazement. That’s a great way to feel good and to get recharged. And, what should you do with all of that increased sense of time? Sit on the couch and watch reality TV? Tempting…but, maybe you could do something for someone else. JPay it forward with your own actions using the PERMA model. To do good and feel good, help others by do things you enjoy that matter to you. Not sure how to play to your strengths? Lisa has curated an awesome list of volunteer opportunities for adults, youth and families. Remember that there’s good all around, so why not be part of it? 

Ready to Pay it Forward? Check out These Volunteer Opportunities

Links to Opportunities for Kids and Teens
DoSomething – youth-led organization with volunteer opportunities for social change
 
Storiitime – connect with a senior to read to your child or have your child read to a senior
 
Teenangels and Tweenangels – learn about and create content for internet safety and cyberbullying prevention
 
Teens Give – high schoolers tutoring younger students can earn community service hours
 
Youth Volunteer Corps – volunteer group, check to see if there is a chapter in your area

Links to Opportunities for Adults
Bookshare – scan, proofread, and format books for people with reading barriers
 
Career Village – professionals answer career-related questions posed by students
 
Crisis Text Line – volunteers are trained to provide text-based crisis support
 
Infinite Family – connect as a mentor with a student in South Africa
 
Learning Ally – narrate and/or provide feedback about audiobooks
 
Red Cross – variety of volunteer opportunities, including virtual work
 
Translators Without Borders – volunteers translate documents created and used by humanitarian agencies as well as other non-profit organizations around the world
 
UN Volunteers – online opportunities to support various global nonprofits
 
Links to Opportunities for Families
Be My Eyes – app connects sighted and blind or low-vision people to help with everyday tasks
 
Binky Patrol – volunteers usually make blankets for those in need; current focus on making masks for healthcare workers and others who must interact with the public
 
Catchafire – searchable database of virtual volunteer opportunities
 
Feeding America – food bank volunteer opportunities

Generation On – youth and family volunteer opportunities, projects, trainings and resources
 
Girls, Inc. –focused on empowering girls; volunteer opportunities differ across chapters
 
Help from Home –volunteer opportunities that do not require long-term commitment
 
Idealist – searchable database of volunteer opportunities
 
Lifetime Connections Without Walls – program focusing on providing classes and social activities by phone between senior citizens and volunteers
 
Volunteer Match – searchable database of a variety of volunteer opportunities

​Over the past few weeks, Sarah and I have talked about different ways you and your family can make life a little easier during the COVID-19 pandemic. One very important way is by recognizing the social support system you have in your own home- your spouse/partner. Throughout the course of your relationship, you and your spouse/partner have hopefully learned to lean on one another during other difficult times. Life during COVID-19 is no different. 
 
The two of you are a team. You’ve got each other’s backs. But, it’s easy to forget that in the face of current daily stressors. Right now, a lot of people are just trying to hang in there. They feel scattered and like they’re constantly playing catch up. If that’s you, you might also be feeling like you’re in this alone or that it’s up to you to keep everything together. 
 
That’s just not true. Your partner is in this with you. The two of you can work together to support one another and deal with all the things that are being thrown your way. It’s important to have regular check-ins with each other to see how you’re each handling everything going on and to discuss your needs. Are you both playing to your strengths? Is either of you feeling overwhelmed or taken for granted? 

​Now, these conversations are not a time to complain about each other or to place blame. Taking some time to talk to each other about what’s working, what’s not and how to fix it is great way to remind yourselves that you’re on the same team and to iron out any difficulties. 
 
One of the big things that’s come up lately for the families I work with is figuring out how to divide up the supervision of their kids, especially when both parents work. In many cases, one parent is taking on the majority of homeschooling duties. But this only works well if that parent is not feeling resentful about taking on that role or burned out by the work required. The same goes for all of the other roles you and your partner have. There are some roles you each naturally fall into and others you both avoid like the plague. You’ll have to do some compromising to make sure neither of you is stuck in roles that you dislike. 
 
Trade off responsibilities when possible. If you’re normally responsible for making dinner, this would be a great time for your partner to take over that duty once or twice a week so that you can take a break or do other things. If your partner is normally in charge of supervising the kids during down time, it would be great if you take over sometimes to give your partner a break. 
 
Another thing that’s been helpful for the families I work with, both during quarantine and as a general rule, is divide and conquer. It’s okay that you not do everything together as a family right now. As we talked about last week, you’re all going to have moments when you need some time alone or when you feel overwhelmed by having the whole family together. It’s helpful to split the kids up sometimes- you take one and your spouse takes the other. 
 
It’s up to you and your partner to decide how to divide up responsibilities. The important thing is that you find a way to do it so that you don’t resent each other. Finding some time for just the two of you is also important. This doesn’t mean that you have to carve out hours of time. But take a few minutes here and there to just focus on each other. Let your partner know that you’re there for them and ask them to do the same for you. You’ll both be better able to handle everything life’s throwing at you right now if you keep remembering that you and your partner are in this thing together.