Sarah here. We hope you enjoyed last week’s self-reflections about your parenting prowess. And we hope you recognized your parenting prowess in action last week. Remember how I said that parenting prowess is naturally tied to self-confidence? Today is all about building you up and boosting your confidence in your parenting.
 
The thing is, you’re already doing some things right as a parent. We know that to be true, whether you realize it or not. Because whenever we meet new families—even families that are really struggling—we’re able to identify some strengths that they already possess. It’s just sometimes hard to recognize those strengths. Stress, unhelpful thoughts and challenging emotions like self-doubt, uncertainty, guilt and overwhelm can make it hard to see your strengths and feel confident in yourself.

Just like last week, we want you to engage in a little practical self-reflection. Read through the questions that follow and notice what thoughts come to mind after you read each question. If you’d like, you can jot down your answers, but no pressure. Remember there are no right or wrong answers.
 

• What comes naturally to you as a parent?
  • It could be something big or small, something very specific or global, something you do or a quality you possess. It could be a pastime you enjoy sharing with your child or how you handle their questions about life’s mysteries. Maybe you possess a well of patience and you generally find it easy to keep your cool with them. You could be stellar at negotiating peace when faced with sibling conflict. Perhaps you consistently deliver consequences in a matter-of-fact no-nonsense way.
• “You’re already doing some things right as a parent.”
  • How do you feel when you read that statement?
  • What thoughts come to mind when you read that statement?

 
When you acknowledge your parenting strengths and you think about what you’re already doing right as a parent, your confidence will start to grow. And once you’ve identified your parenting strengths, you can focus on intentionally utilizing those strengths to make your life easier. We know that as a parent, you’re a natural. But what really matters is that you recognize the ways that you’re a natural. We want you to toot your own horn! So this week, notice what feels “easy” or “natural” as a parent and identify the strengths you’re using in those moments. This exercise will come in handy next week, as we talk about managing the holiday season and your kids’ upcoming winter break.

Sarah here. We focused on parenting style in last week’s blog. Today, we’re focused more on self-perception. The Fall and Winter holidays are a time when we often get introspective: asking ourselves what we are thankful for, considering all the blessings in our lives and the like. So, this week, we wanted to change gears and help guide some of that introspection into a practical parenting exercise.
 
I will confess that when the phrase “parenting prowess” popped into my mind months back, I immediately questioned my word choice.  Oxford Languages defines prowess as: “1. skill or expertise in a particular activity or field; 2. Bravery in battle.” I was delighted to discover that my gut led me in the right direction- prowess is exactly the word I meant. Parenting prowess is your skill or expertise as a parent. It’s your bravery as a parent in the face of challenges, conflicts, and daunting tasks.
 
With that in mind, read through the questions that follow. There are no right or wrong answers. Just notice what thoughts come to mind after you read each question. If you’d like, you can jot down your answers, but no pressure.
 

• How do you feel about your parenting in general?
• Is “expert” a word that you would use to describe yourself as a parent?
  • It need not be that you feel like an expert as a parent in general/across the board. For example, maybe you are an expert at managing mealtime stress or an expert at getting your child to do their homework.
• How savvy are you as a parent? In other words, how’s your parenting common sense, know-how and judgment?
• How do you feel about your in-the-clutch parenting? How do you handle critical moments and tough decisions as a parent?
  

Now take a moment to notice how you approached these self-reflection questions. Did you think of specific examples or focus on your general sense of yourself as a parent? How did you feel when reflecting on these questions? Did you feel energized? Were you proud? Nervous? Did you feel stressed by the activity? Your process and feelings may give you some additional insight into how you feel about yourself as a parent.
 
And speaking of how you feel about yourself as a parent, let’s return to the idea of parenting prowess. Are you an expert in managing your family? Are you a sage parent? Are you a warrior or a strategist on the battlefield of life? Are you a diplomat who keeps the peace within your home? The idea of parenting prowess is entangled with self-confidence. How confident are you in yourself as a parent? If your answer is anything less than “very confident,” then know you’re not alone. We’ve got you and—spoiler alert—next week’s blog will give your confidence a boost! In the meantime, give yourself a little shot of confidence and notice examples of your parenting prowess over the next week.

​Lisa here. Parenting styles have been studied for decades. A great deal of focus has been directed to figuring out which style is best for raising healthy, well-adjusted children. However, it can be difficult to figure out how to match your parenting behaviors to a particular style. 
 
Let’s start with a brief explanation of parenting styles. The four most studied styles are: 
 
Authoritarian: This style is characterized by high expectations for children’s behavior and low responsiveness to children’s input. Discipline is key in this parenting style. Few explanations are given for rules and little to no discussion about the reasons for rules is allowed. 
 
Authoritative: This style is characterized by high expectations for children’s behavior and high responsiveness to children’s input. While discipline and rules are important, it is equally important that children understand the reason behind the rules. Children are allowed and even expected to ask questions and give opinions. Independence is encouraged. 
 
Permissive: This style is characterized by low expectations for children’s behavior and high responsiveness to children’s input. Parents are involved in their children’s lives, but discipline and rules are not a high priority. Children are encouraged to follow their own path and parents provide little intervention.
 
Uninvolved: This style is characterized by low expectations for children’s behavior and low responsiveness to children’s input. Parents are generally not engaged in their children’s lives beyond providing necessities. Children’s input is largely ignored instead of actively discouraged. 
 
Most studies have found that the authoritative style is related to the most beneficial outcomes for children. However, it can be confusing to figure out what that means for your actual parenting. Your preferred parenting style is related to your parenting values and feels like a part of who you are as a parent. Under typical circumstances, your parenting style tends to be fairly consistent over time unless you make a conscious effort to change it. 
 
However, your parenting behaviors are influenced by many factors, including your child’s behavior, the immediate situation, and your mood in that moment. As a result, your parenting behaviors are more variable and may not always support your preferred style. 
 
For instance, let’s say that it is important to you to be an authoritative parent (high expectation, high responsiveness). However, after you’ve had a frustrating day and your child questions a rule or does not follow an instruction, you find yourself imposing harsh consequences or making comments like, “As long as you live in my house, you’ll live by my rules.” These behaviors are not typically associated with an authoritative parenting style.  
 
So, what does this mean? Have you failed at being an authoritative parent? Will your child now become poorly adjusted and fail at life?
 
Absolutely not! 
 
Even when you are working your hardest to adopt certain behaviors or parent according to a certain style, you’re going to have moments when you step off the path. This is not a big deal. It is just a signal that there might be some things you want to change so that your parenting is more in line with your parenting values and the parenting style that you wish to adopt. 
 
Take a look below at the diagram of the four parenting styles. You can move along the continuum of both responsiveness to your child’s input and expectations for your child’s behavior to align your parenting behavior to a particular style.  

​In the example above, you’ve had a long, frustrating day and you may not have enough energy/resources to fully engage with your child in the way you normally would. In this case, your responsiveness will be lower. However, your expectations of your child’s behavior likely remain high. This is how you end up responding in a way that is out of line with your preferred authoritative style.
 
Again, it is not the end of the world if it happens occasionally. But if you notice that you consistently engage in behaviors that do not support your preferred parenting style, a quick way to adjust is to consider your level of expectations for your child’s behavior as well as your level of responsiveness to their input. If either of those are not in line with the kind of parent you want to be, make decisions about how you want to change your behaviors to bring them in line with your preferred style. 
 
In our example, if you value responsiveness and want it to remain high even after you’ve had a bad day, you can tell your child that you need a few minutes to yourself when you get home so that you can decompress and then attend to them. Or you may need to take a few minutes to yourself before entering your home so that you can reset and prepare yourself to engage with your family.
 
Adjusting your expectations for your child’s behavior or your responsiveness to your child’s input will not solve every problem, but this is a good place to start if you need to get your behavior back in line with your preferred parenting style. 

What is your preferred parenting style? Let us know in the comments.

Still not sure? Start by figuring out what is important to you. If you need help getting clarity on your parenting values, sign up for our newsletter for access to our all-new parenting values assessment, Jump Start Your Parenting!

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