Keep those lines of communication with your kids open- even when it's tough!
@nautilusbehavioral
Sarah here. This week, we’re starting a new mini-series of posts focused on communication. Rather than discussing communication in general, we wanted to focus on challenging conversations. Lisa and I have worked with many families that struggle to have conversations about sensitive topics. What counts as a “sensitive topic” is somewhat subjective, but common topics include: sex (and physical development/puberty), politics, current and historical events, physical differences, and religion. This week I’m setting the stage by discussing why it’s important to have these talks. In the coming weeks, we’ll focus on talking with your kids about specific sensitive topics. Struggling to talk with kids about sensitive topics isn’t an isolated issue facing only a subset of parents. In our experience, this is a pretty universal challenge. Why are some topics so tough to talk about?
And what happens when parents feel this uncertainty and angst about having these sensitive conversations with their kids? Well, at least some of the time, they avoid these talks like the plague! And that makes sense- avoiding these conversations can decrease distress in the short term. But consider this: if you don’t talk with your kids about these sensitive topics, someone else will. So, would you rather your kids get their information from classmates, neighbor kids, or other unreliable sources…or from you? Be brave enough to have those challenging talks with your child. Not only will it shape the information your child has, but it will also model that you can talk about hard things, and that your kids can come to you to talk about anything. That’s a win-win-win. Be sure to stay tuned in the coming weeks as we discuss tips and strategies for talking about specific sensitive topics.
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Sarah here. As we dive into the height of summertime, we wanted to talk about something that’s important for everyone to do- regardless of your age. This week, we’re talking about tooting your own horn, so to speak. By this, I’m referring to recognizing your greatness and taking the time to acknowledge it. Why is it so hard for some of us to toot our own horns? It could be that when we were younger, we were taught that it was bragging or being boastful to recognize and acknowledge our awesomeness. Or maybe we just don’t see the ways that we are great. Whatever the reason, talking positively about oneself is a really challenging thing for many people to do.
To help you in your journey toward recognizing and acknowledging your own greatness, I wanted to share some examples that highlight the difference between bragging and acknowledging positive attributes. Example 1 Bragging: “I don’t know why other people did poorly on this exam. It was easy. I’m smart so of course I did well.” Acknowledging the Positive: “I’m a good test taker.” Example 2 Bragging: “Did you hear our boss say how impressed she was by my presentation? Yeah, clearly, she isn’t used to people who are actually well-prepared. Some of the people around here…” Acknowledging the Positive: “I’m good at organizing my ideas and expressing myself clearly.” What stands out in the examples? The bragging person wasn’t just talking about themselves- they were also talking about others in unfavorable ways. The person who acknowledged the positive identified their positive attribute clearly but only focused on themselves. Maybe some of what comes across as bragging involves being passive aggressive and putting down others to make oneself look good. Recognizing our personal weaknesses can lead to further development and growth. But, recognizing our personal strengths—those areas in which we truly shine—can be just as important to our development. When we focus on our strengths, we may adapt our approach to a task to ensure we are utilizing those strengths. We may seek out opportunities that highlight those strengths in part because it feels good to do something we excel at. In the coming days and weeks, see if you can recognize and acknowledge some of the things that are great about you. Pay attention to how you feel when you allow yourself to really take in your own excellence. The more you do it, the easier it gets. Lisa here. This week we’re starting with a quote from Oprah Winfrey: Failure is a scary thing for many people. It doesn’t feel good and when you fail, it can feel like you’re even further away from your goals. If you tend to get in your head about things, you can start feeling very down on yourself and your abilities when you fail. BUT failure doesn’t have to be a bad thing. The reality is that if you try enough things enough times, you’re going to fail at something. As humans, we grow, learn, and can get stronger when we fail. Failure isn't a bad thing we need to avoid. It's a part of life. When you look at it that way, it’s easier to find the lessons in your failure. When you recognize that failure isn’t personal, you can step back and see where the missteps were and where you can improve next time. Learning to fail and then recover is also an important lesson to teach your kids. Recovering after a setback is how we build resilience. I know it’s hard to watch your kids fail at something, but it’s actually important for their development. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t help your kids or give them advice. Just remember that it’s okay to let them try things that might be a little too hard for them or let them figure out how to do some things on their own. It's also helpful to let your kids observe how you handle failure. If they see you experience disappointment, frustration, or even anger at a failure and then see how you get back on track, learn from your mistakes, and then try again, they gain a helpful model for how to manage their own failures. It’s incredibly important is to let your kids have failure and recovery experiences early in life. This way, they learn that failure doesn’t have to be a big deal and that it’s just part of the process of learning new things. They also have you there to reassure them and to help them figure out how to handle the setback if they need help. When people don’t have failure experiences until they are older, they have significantly more trouble bouncing back. Failure becomes something intolerable, and they don’t know how to cope (think college student who struggles with a class for their first time in their lives and has no idea how to problem-solve, get help, and persevere). So, if it helps, think of allowing your kids to have some failure experiences as an important part of parenting. Remember that failing is part of the process. The more you remind yourself of that fact, the easier it will be to manage your feelings about failure and the quicker you will bounce back.
So, get out there and do something. Fail. Own it. Keep going. |
Welcome!Feel free to peruse our blog and see what Sarah and Lisa had to say about topics related to your needs as a busy parent. We will talk about everything from parenting values, to life hacks, to realistic self-care. Archives
August 2023
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